just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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