How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
