Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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