Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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