why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
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I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
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Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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