so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
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that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
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I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay