Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together