I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.