She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
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that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person