He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
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Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
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Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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