Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's blow job season.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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