Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
this is an emotional support booty call
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
