I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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