its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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