Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
