I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
