saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize