To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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