Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now