My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.