Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
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What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
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I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor