remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask