maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
