$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
