he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive