I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough