Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
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I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids