Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"

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(630): According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for" http://tfl.nu/5bi3

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(931): View more from Tennessee

Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.

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(931): Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person. http://tfl.nu/od1c

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(913): View more from Kansas

"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.

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(913): "Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/szr3

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(660): View more from Missouri

He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"

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(660): He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean" http://tfl.nu/dsnf

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(904): View more from Florida

He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE

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(904): He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE http://tfl.nu/khu1

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(303): View more from Colorado

This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.

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(303): This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now. http://tfl.nu/jc3w

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(804): View more from Virginia

Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.

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(804): Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3. http://tfl.nu/mf94

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(514): View more from Quebec

Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?

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(514): Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene? http://tfl.nu/zsme

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(630): View more from Illinois

The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....

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(630): The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time.... http://tfl.nu/q5xm

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(480): View more from Arizona

oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund

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(480): oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund http://tfl.nu/xo4q

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(704): View more from North Carolina

That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.

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(704): That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes. http://tfl.nu/bf3h

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(417): View more from Missouri

If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.

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(417): If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug. http://tfl.nu/ibns

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(904): View more from Florida

Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.

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(904): Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again. http://tfl.nu/hcx3

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.

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(215): it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target. http://tfl.nu/jyhf

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(937): View more from Ohio

I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant

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(937): I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant http://tfl.nu/spdi

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