I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
