Jerry, you need to find god
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
