Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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