I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize