If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize