my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
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He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
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No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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