It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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