Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
