I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize