Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
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So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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