fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
