It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
