Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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