did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
