I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
