Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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