it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize