the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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