My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
