38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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