I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
