I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
