Already got asked if we're dating
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
