I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I wear drunk well.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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