She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
