This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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