My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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