Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."