Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
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phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
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Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!