god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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