I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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